


Lectures & Revelations

by Janina, mynameisnoneya



Series: At Her Majesty's Service [10]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, May/December Relationship, Romance, Sansa makes her choice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:01:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27964958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janina/pseuds/Janina, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mynameisnoneya/pseuds/mynameisnoneya
Summary: Sansa makes her choice.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Sansa Stark, pastish/presentish Jon Snow/Sansa Stark
Series: At Her Majesty's Service [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002744
Comments: 41
Kudos: 87





	Lectures & Revelations

**Author's Note:**

> Gorgeous picset by mynameisnoneya! 
> 
> [](https://imgur.com/34a7jMj)  
> 

Once Jon is on his feet, Sansa walks with him to see Sam and get him patched up. As they walk, Sansa is seething on the inside. She’s not stupid. She knows why Jon and Jaime were fighting. 

The sheer malice on Jon’s face wasn’t something she’d seen since he’d nearly beat Ramsay to death when they took back Winterfell. Plus, the anger on Jaime’s face gave him away despite his words. 

They had never gotten along, but their animosity had only grown once Sansa began inviting Jaime to her bed. And now with things upended, the both of them have been trying their level best to win her affection. 

“Fighting Jaime will not automatically decide my heart,” she tells Jon now. “In fact, it has the opposite effect. It makes me angry that the two of you would fight like that over me.”

“It was just a friendly --” He stops abruptly at the look on her face. 

“I have enough duties to attend to, worrying about whether you two are going to kill each other behind my back does not help me.”

“And you plan to tell him that?” Jon asks. He’s angry. 

“Yes.” 

“He was the one looking for a fight. I merely obliged him.” 

“Of course you did. You’ve been looking for a reason to fight with him for quite some time.”

“You mean since you started punishing me by taking him to your bed?”

Sansa stops walking as she turns his words over and over in her mind. 

Jon watches her closely and she can see regret pass over his features. “Sansa, I’m sorry, I--”

“You think I took Jaime to my bed to _punish_ you?” 

He is frozen on the spot, his jaw working to find some words to dig him out the hole he just dug for himself. 

“I took Jaime to my bed because I _wanted_ to. Because I wanted him. He was the first man I wanted that I got to choose. The first man to want me for something other than the fact that I was a Stark and I furthered their cause.”

“You had me,” Jon croaks. 

“And how was I to know that? It’s not like you have ever been forthright with me. For all I knew you were still mourning the death of your _queen_. And what business is it of yours whom I choose to bed and spend my time with? You found your piece of pleasure in this world with her, why couldn’t I find my own? You don’t get to tell me that you’re not to be questioned for your choices and then question mine, Jon.”

“I would not say I ever found true pleasure with her, Sansa. I knew she wasn’t exactly who she claimed to be.”

“Well, I didn’t know that either. All I got told was how she was such a good queen, and that I was shushed in my own home while trying to defend our people - _my_ people. You went South and nearly got yourself killed--” She broke off as tears welled up. She remembers all too well the fear she had held for him when he’d gone. It was why she’d told Tyrion the truth of his parentage. 

Jon moves closer and wraps her up in his arms. “I’m sorry, Sansa. I’m sorry, you’re right. Please forgive me. I’m so sorry.”

She sags against him and lets herself cry. She has never truly healed from all that mess. She had just focused her efforts on her people and Winterfell and all the duties she now had as Queen. Now, she thinks about it more often...and has trouble forgiving and forgetting. He underestimates her the way everyone else had. 

And he is still doing it. He doesn’t trust her judgment. He thought bedding Jaime was about _him_. She doesn’t want a man who doesn’t trust her, and a man whom she has difficulty trusting. She doesn’t want a man that makes her feel less the way Jon does constantly. 

Always with Jon it was two steps forward and three steps back. And she realizes in that moment that while she loves Jon, the love she had once felt for him is gone. 

The one she wants to be held by at that moment is Jaime. Jaime who knows the strength of her mind. Who trusts her. Who, when he disagrees with her, he doesn't get defensive and speaks with her about it in the privacy of her chambers. He doesn’t stalk off in a pout the way Jon does. 

He treats her as a woman. Jon treats her as the child she had been. 

She pushes out of Jon’s arms and wipes her eyes. 

“Sansa?” Jon says softly.

“Excuse me,” she says and hurries away, intent on finding Jaime. 

“Sansa!” Jon calls after her, but she ignores him. 

********

He’s not with the Queensguard any longer; she’s informed that he’d left just minutes before she arrived in the Great Hall. 

That means he is probably in his chambers washing up and preparing for tonight. Sansa runs to his chambers, happy that the halls are clear so that no one can witness the Queen of the North running through them. 

When she reaches Jaime’s door, she places both hands on the wood and scratches at it. Jaime opens the door, his jerkin undone. She can see part of his bare chest, the same chest she has pleasurably mapped with her hands. 

He looks surprised to see her standing there and his surprise gives way to a smirk. “Come to lecture me?”

“May I enter?” she asks. 

Jaime pokes his head out and looks both ways down the hall. He then steps aside when he sees it empty and she rolls her eyes at him. 

“I can see whomever I choose,” she tells him. 

“Old habits and all that I suppose. I’m used to sneaking around this castle with you.”

He shuts the door and faces her. “So. Go on then. Tell me how terrible I am for fighting Jon and bloodying his lip.”

“I will tell you what I told him - it was stupid.”

He shrugs. “I was always the stupidest Lannister.”

“Don’t say that. You are not stupid. I don’t care what _she_ used to tell you. She thought everyone was stupid.”

Jaime heaves a sigh and hangs his head. “I am stupid though. I am the one that went and fell in love with you--”

“I love you too, Jaime.”

“--I’m the one who broke our original agreement and --” He breaks off and looks at her. “Pardon me. What did you just say?”

She smiles broadly and leaps at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing herself against him. “I love you, Jaime.” 

His arms tentatively wrap around her. “I am dreaming,” he murmurs. “Jon’s knocked me on my arse and I’m out in the training yard having a sweet dream.” Sansa attempts to pull back so she can kiss him, but he holds onto her tightly. “No, no. I don’t want to wake up.”

Smiling, Sansa begins peppering his cheek with kisses. She uses her teeth to tug on his ear the way he has done to her. 

“Sansa,” he gasps. 

“I love you, Jaime.”

He leans back so he can look at her. He has tears in his eyes as he looks at her in awe and with so much love it threatens to bring Sansa to her knees. He runs a hand down her hair and then cups the side of her face with his hand and draws her close. “You love me. You mean that?”

“With all my heart,” she whispers. 

“Gods - Sansa -” He presses his lips to hers, his kiss hard and desperate as though he still believes she is a dream. 

And then he holds her, just holds her close and buries his face in her neck. She can feel his tears on her skin and she leaves little kisses on his shoulder. 

“No one has ever chosen me,” he whispers. “Not unless I could do something for them. My father...her.”

“No one has ever chosen me, either.”

His hold tightens. “I did. I have. Right away.”

“I chose you, too. I was so stupid--”

“You are not stupid. If I’m not allowed to say then you are not allowed to either,” he says fiercely. 

“It was you all this time, Jaime. I clung to something that had died a long time ago. I was blind.”

He laughs. “You _were_ blind. I knew you loved me.”

“Did you?”

“I had some doubts,” he admits and she laughs. 

He pulls back and kisses her again. “Does Jon know?”

She shakes her head. “No, I - I ran to you, leaving him quite dumbfounded in the hall once I realized my heart. I rushed to tell you; I could not wait. I just wanted to be with you.”

“Jon’s always dumbfounded,” Jaime quips. “What was it? What made you realize?”

“It wasn’t any one thing. He said I invited you to my bed to punish him and it angered me so much that he made something I did of my own volition about _him_.” She frames his face with her hands, making him look at her. “You know that wasn’t why I asked you to my bed...right?”

“I know.” he breathes. 

“I will always be a child in his eyes. I will never be able to be fully myself. With you I can. With you I don’t hide or make myself small.”

“I never want that,” he says fiercely. “I want you as you are. I _love_ you as you are.”

She smiles. “Even when I am demanding?”

“Particularly when you’re demanding I go ‘harder’ or ‘faster’,” he says, his voice a rumble. “When you tell me how you want to be fucked.”

She kisses him deeply and Jaime responds in kind. She wants and needs to touch him, to feel his bare flesh. She spreads her hands over his chest, pushing his jerkin open wider, intent on taking it off completely. 

He breaks the kiss, breathing hard and gently stills one of her wandering hands with his good one. “I want you, love. I want you desperately...but I think before we reunite in the best possible way you have to tell Jon.”

Sansa sighs, nods. “You’re right. It wouldn’t be right until it is all sorted.”

He kisses her sweetly and nuzzles at the side of her face. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll even be nice to him. For you.”

She giggles. “Thank you.” Her smile fades as she moves out of Jaime’s arms and perches herself on his bed. “Though I’m not sure how he’ll take it. He won’t be happy.”

“It worries you,” Jaime observes. 

She nods. “Jon is my family still, and I love him as such. I do not wish to bring him pain, but…”

Jaime sits down beside her and pulls her into his side. He kisses the top of her head. “But you realized I am the superior choice.”

She laughs softly and swats him lightly on the chest. “You’re incorrigible.”

“Guilty.”

She looks up at him. “There was no real choice, Jaime. It was always going to be you.”

He smiles and kisses her forehead. “When will you tell him?”

“Before the feast,” she murmurs. “In case he wishes to not attend.”

“I hope he doesn’t. I’d like to take a turn about the floor with my Queen.”

She smiles, kisses him, starts for the door. Jaime gets up and follows her and with one last lingering kiss, Sansa inhales deeply for courage and goes in search of Jon.


End file.
